Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Ginx’s Guide to Parenting

I think the biggest problem with parenting books is: not enough pictures. With people getting dumber and dumber while having children younger and younger, I think it’s time someone provide a handy, image-filled guide on parenting to the general public.

Think of this as sort of SE’s “giving back to the community.” Everyone has given us so much… nothing I can think of at the moment, but I’m sure it amounts to a priceless (or maybe worthless) sum.

Starting off with careers. Don’t let your children get in the way of pursuing your dreams.

Kids don’t need to prevent you from having a good time and continuing to enjoy your life, either.

In fact, you need to keep living your life so that your kids can get out with you and see new things.

But be careful, because kids are natural fuck ups.

In fact, nearly all the worst things in the world are associated with kids… acting childish, kidnapping, infanticide, child molestation, swine flu…

So, I guess my advice on kids is… don’t have any.


  1. So, I guess my advice on kids is… don’t have any.

    Finally, good advice from Bret! Are you now ready to join the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement ?

  2. I can honestly say I hope everyone who reads SE refrains from having children. I've never opposed that.

  3. Wow ... they just got worse and worse the further down I went in the post.

    I have two children that are (knock on wood) pretty great kids (in other words, I can send them to other people's homes and know that they will show good manners and will do their own dinner dishes).


    1. My daughters are my children, they are NOT my friends (that day will come when they are adults, and I very much look forward to it, but it is not today).

    2. I give out consequences and I enforce the heck out of them. My older daughter lost her birthday party when she was seven for hitting an obnoxious neighbor kid with a bat (we'd talked already about how she just avoid this particular child, who was kind of a demon)...the day before it was supposed to take place...and she had to call the kids who were coming and explain that she'd lost her party as a punishment.

    3. I would never even consider partaking in the activities shown in these pictures. (Well, not with my kids around, anyway ;))

  4. I think the trick is to name your paddle "time out" so that you can threaten them in public without having child services called on you.

  5. The biggest problem with humans consciously choosing not to have children for reasons that are altruistic or political is that the stupid and useless will outbreed them 20 to 1, giving us the examples included and worse we groan about every day.

    Note that the theme of intoxicants is common.

    Of course some of the examples are out of context and do not represent a breach in parenting, children making a mess, harming themselves, or having an accident based on the lack of understanding of physics is just a part of childhood and learning.

    Idiocracy was not a humorous movie because it was too close to the truth.

    Selective Animal husbandry works on human also it was called Eugenics and brings up several uncomfortable issues that are considered politically incorrect.


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