Sunday, September 17, 2017
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic: "Why, two, of course!" (Both hands are already in the air.)
Pentecostal: "10! One to change the bulb, and nine to pray to the holy ghost, against the spirit of darkness."
Pentecostal: "10! One to change the bulb, and nine to pray to the holy ghost, against the spirit of darkness."
Presbyterians: "None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times."
Roman Catholic: "None. Candles only."
Baptists: "Nah, at least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken."
Episcopalians: "4. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old light bulb was, than the new one we're screwing on with the fourth."
Mormons: "5. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it."
Unitarians: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."
Methodists: "Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish."
Nazarene: "6. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy."
Lutherans: "We believe in sunlight alone. 'Cause the Bible says that man shalt live off of the sunshine ALONE. You can't add on to the natural light which cometh through thine window, cause then it would taketh away from the sunlight."
Amish: "What is a light bulb?"
Roman Catholic: "None. Candles only."
Baptists: "Nah, at least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken."
Episcopalians: "4. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old light bulb was, than the new one we're screwing on with the fourth."
Mormons: "5. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it."
Unitarians: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."
Methodists: "Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish."
Nazarene: "6. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy."
Lutherans: "We believe in sunlight alone. 'Cause the Bible says that man shalt live off of the sunshine ALONE. You can't add on to the natural light which cometh through thine window, cause then it would taketh away from the sunlight."
Amish: "What is a light bulb?"
Friday, September 8, 2017
Thursday, September 7, 2017
Thursday, August 17, 2017
Sunday, August 13, 2017
What Happened in Charlottesville
This is what happened in Charlottesville, since media is incapable of reporting:
-The Alt Right organized a peaceful assembly in Charlottesville called Unite the Right
-The organizers lawfully obtained a permit to host this event
-Wes Bellamy, the Vice-Mayor of Charlottesville, illegally revoked the permit for this event. Wes Bellamy is a known Leftist and is affiliated with the Black Panther Party, a Black supremacist organization
-The ACLU successfully sued Charlottesville for violating the First Amendment, and a Federal judge ruled that the permit must be reinstated and the right to assemble honored
-Unite the Right was scheduled to take place at 12:00pm today. At 11:30am, a heavily militarized police force illegally shut down the event, physically assaulting peaceful protesters with batons and tear gas. Several people were illegally arrested
-While evacuating, many protesters were illegally assaulted by counter-protesters from Antifa and Black Lives Matter as the police stood by and did nothing. Antifa and BLM members were recorded throwing bricks at people, using pepper spray, and throwing molotov cocktails and tear gas
-A terrorist drove his car straight in to a crowd of people, killing at least one. The state of Virginia declared a state of emergency with the National Guard on standby, and Charlottesville became the #1 news story in the world
-The lying media intentionally portrayed this all in a way to make it look like the peaceful protesters were the perpetrators of the violence, rather than the victims, despite heavy video evidence to the contrary
-This was an enormous breech of everyone's First Amendment rights, and a violent police-state suppression of free speech that is now being hidden by the lying media. A LOT of lawsuits are incoming, stay tuned!- Jeffery Hughes
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