Tuesday, September 12, 2017

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: "Why, two, of course!" (Both hands are already in the air.)
Pentecostal: "10! One to change the bulb, and nine to pray to the holy ghost, against the spirit of darkness."
Presbyterians: "None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times."
Roman Catholic: "None. Candles only."
Baptists: "Nah, at least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken."
Episcopalians: "4. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old light bulb was, than the new one we're screwing on with the fourth."
Mormons: "5. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it."
Unitarians: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."
Methodists: "Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish."
Nazarene: "6. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy."
Lutherans: "We believe in sunlight alone. 'Cause the Bible says that man shalt live off of the sunshine ALONE. You can't add on to the natural light which cometh through thine window, cause then it would taketh away from the sunlight."
Amish: "What is a light bulb?"
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