Sunday, February 13, 2011

Fired For Farting?

"Bret? Yeah, what the hell happened to Bret?"

I asked the question of a co-worker during a discussion of newbie turnover rates at work. Every time there is a hiring frenzy, it seems that there are quite a few new hires that last only a few weeks, and in some cases, only days. We had one girl, Jennifer, who was black, and she only lasted 2 weeks. She couldn't quite get the job down, even with more extensive one-on-one training. They even had me, Nikk Jakson The Great, spend a whole day training her in my own inimitable way...and even that didn't seem to work. She did take notes during my all day session with her (learning from the master, something old Ginx should have done) and was quite pathetic in her desperate attempts to absorb it all and find out what her failings were. At the end, I thought maybe there was a little hope, and that she'd make it after all. Plus, she was so sweet and kind, with a very quiet voice and polite manner about her. "What a sweetie" everyone was saying.

They planned a whole day of follow up with her on Monday, but when Monday Jennifer. She just decided to stay home because "it was Martin Luther King Day". It wasn't a paid holiday, but she created her own. Unfortunately, she wasn't creative enough to call in with a fake sick story. She actually just came right out and admitted that she just wanted to celebrate the civil rights hero's birthday. When she came back to work, her personal belongings had been removed from her cubicle. She immediately started yelling "Where's my shit! Who took my shit!"

Her screaming got so loud and the string of profanities flowing from her mouth so extreme that some nearby started to get worried for their physical safety.

I ran into her by accident at the supermarket one afternoon several day later. When I asked her what had happened (regarding her dismissal) she said, "Well, it's because I'm black! Bunch of damn racists!" I think she spent too much time reading Bret Alan's (now defunct) blog.

Okay, so on to the farting (finally).

Since we were on the subject of the recently fired, I asked what the hell happened to Bret. Amanda said he was fired for farting. WTF?

"Yeah," said Amanda, "didn't you smell it? He would let out these farts all day long, one after the other, and he didn't even try to hold them in. It was disgusting. This whole corner stunk! And he burped a lot too."

So, that's what happened to Bret. He was stinking up the place. Kind of like our Bret here at Skeptical Eye. Anyway, have you ever heard of someone where you work being fired for farting? Have you ever been fired for farting?

Here's a story of a whole country making farting against the law (well, maybe...)

Justice Minister George Chaponda says the new bill would criminalise flatulence to promote "public decency".


The Local Courts Bill...reads: "Any person who vitiates the atmosphere in any place so as to make it noxious to the public to the health of persons in general dwelling or carrying on business in the neighbourhood or passing along a public way shall be guilty of a misdemeanour."

Mr Chaponda, a trained lawyer, insists that this includes farting.-Malawi row over whether new law bans farting


  1. A tyrant will always find an excuse to be tryannical just like a bad worker will always find excuses for their own shortcomings - racism, it's the other guy's fault, blame the rich because they're evil etc.

    Are you serious about Bret?

  2. Are you serious about Bret?

    How can anyone be serious about Bret?

  3. I'm here to set the record straight. It was, in fact, flatulence.

  4. Thanks, Bret. Without you to set the record straight, it just hasn't been the same around here.

    We could use someone with your snarky attitude as a contributor. Too bad you quit blogging for good.

  5. I'm kind of surprised that 7 days was enough to wipe my name from the roll. What was the last thing Ryk wrote?

  6. What was the last thing Ryk wrote?

    Well, yeah, but the thing is, Rye didn't say "bye" and state that he was fed up with blogging.

    Honestly, though, you bring up a good point. The roll should be purged of those who don't contribute at all after a long period of time. I just honestly thought, in your case, that you were through with blogging.

  7. He said "bye" and that he hated everyone.

    A possible '60 Minutes' moment right after he went nuts and attacked a squirrel with a pencil.

  8. Honestly, though, you bring up a good point. The roll should be purged of those who don't contribute at all after a long period of time.

    I didn't mean to imply that.

    He said [...] that he hated everyone.

    Also didn't say that.

    And the great misinterpretation begins again...


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