With a major election just a few weeks away, the political season is in high gear. We’ve got polls, pundits, politicians, and people all stating their opinions on one thing or another with regards to this issue or that issue. Analysts try to predict what the dumb masses will do on election day (my money is on many of them staying home and jerking off, but I’ve been wrong before) and many people don’t seem to notice that football has been successfully feminized (any player who wears pink is a fag, I don’t care what kind of cancer I’m suppose to be aware of).
But there will be voters. They will go to the polls where the volunteers will refuse to see a picture ID (when I handed mine one year, the hippie didn’t even look at it) and cast their votes. And I guarantee that there will plenty of stupid voters as well. Well, when I say stupid, what I really mean is voter suckers. These are voters who, for whatever reason, will vote based on their misconceptions about a particular candidate or party. And you can bet there are a lot of large groups of voter suckers out there. Here is a short list:
- Pro-Life Voters – I know, because I’m a Christian, I’m not suppose to criticize people I agree with. Sorry, but people who based solely on the candidate being pro-life are some of the biggest suckers in the current political climate. Republicans, which are by and large pro-life, are actually not all that interested in rolling back Roe v. Wade or passing laws that might declare an unborn child to be a person. These people are so obsessed with the issue that they would vote for a Statist if it meant that he or she would outlaw abortions. Unless, of course, you happen to be Ron Paul, who has actually proposed legislation to declare the unborn a person. And yet, many abortion groups regard him as pro-choice! But there has yet to be a politician who will make any serious headways on this issue. For the entire eight years that President Bush was in office, not once did he propose a budget that would completely cut all Federal funding to Planned Parenthood (a non-profit organization that has yielded a profit in the past several years). They’re outraged about abortions, but not about their tax dollars paying for abortions, I suppose.
- Black Voters – OK, so maybe I should refer to them as “African-Americans” but I just can’t. Mostly because Africa isn’t a country and is more violently divided than Northern Ireland. That aside, black voters can always be counted on to vote for a Democrat, especially if he or she is black, and will demand black people among their staff, no matter how incompetent said people really are. Personally, race is a non-issue with me. If you can do a good job, then you get to keep your job. But these folks seem to have a huge chip on their shoulder for the injustices their parents and grandparents suffered. Seriously, I doubt any young black man or woman has ever experienced anything close to Jim Crow. In any event, their demands these days usually revolve around economic equality or social justice or whatever term you want to describe pillaging the productive people who live here. And yet, no matter how many votes are cast for their candidates, usually Democrats, they always seem to be stuck in poverty. On a side note, when I went to a Tea Party rally (the only one I’ve gone to), I saw the Congressional Black Caucus pass through the crowd, recording us as they went (Jesse Jackson, Jr. had two iPhones pointed at both sides). They were the best dressed members of Congress, like some slick preacher who looks at his followers as paychecks.
- The Elderly – These folks are some of the biggest suckers when they vote in mass. This is because they always believe that Republicans are going to reduce the Social Security and Medicare benefits they get. Yet, I have yet to find a significant Republican who has run on the platform of cancelling such programs immediately while pushing his wheel-chaired mama down a flight of stairs. They also happen to be prone to scare easily and sucked up in pyramid schemes very easily. This group has largely proven that you don’t gain wisdom with age and that unless you make the conscious effort, you will be just as foolish then as you are today.
- Evangelical Christian Voters – Again, I am criticizing the voters I am suppose to agree with because they think that government = God. It never has and it never will. These people actually believe that this country was founded on Christian principles (I still can’t find the guide that Jesus gave for setting up Republics) and that all social issues are more important than fiscal issues. For the longest time, these folks have dominated the Republican party and the Republican party was all too happy to pay lip service to their agenda. After all, as long as they can expand the scope and power of government, they can maintain power as long as it is “for God’s Will.” I am aware that you could combine this group with the pro-life groups, but this group tends to be a little smaller overall and a little more insane.
- Security Conscious Voters – These folks tend to be conservative, but it also includes moderates and moderate-Leftists as well. What makes them big suckers is that they think that militarizing the police and maintaining a standing army of bankrupting-sized proportions will ensure that they will be safe from foreign and domestic enemies. They always regard anyone who disagrees with them even slightly as crackpots and conspiracy theorists and yet fail to see that our National Defense System (intelligence, military, diplomats, etc.) largely has failed to protect us. With all the money and resources we dump into our Defensive Systems, we should have zero attacks. I want a return on my forced investment in the military.
So those are the top five voter suckers, from my point of view. Of course, you easily argue that voting in general is a sucker’s game, but that’s a whole other topic altogether. In any case, you can bet good money that these groups will be out in full force this year in order to cast their votes for people who couldn’t care less about their agendas. Good luck holding someone accountable once they have gotten into office.