Hamburger Immortality

I once had a friend who would buy a bag of ten McDonalds hamburgers, back in the day when they had those special once a week deals (I think it was on Tues. or Wed.) when a regular hamburger sold for 29¢ so 10 only cost less than 3 bucks. Problem was, even when super hungry he couldn't eat all ten at one time. Now that's perfectly okay if you're going to take them home and refrigerate them, but the poor bastard didn't have a regular home. He usually lived out of an office, and sometimes didn't even have one of those mini-refrigerators. He was waiting for his MLM (multi-level marketing) millions to come pouring in when his "downline" experienced exponential growth (I think today, ten years later, he's living in his car). So, as he would often buy the burgers on his way to a meeting on a hot Summer day, the hamburgers would be left behind to sit inside the car for hours. One time when we got back to the car after one of his MLM presentations, I made a move toward the McDonald's bag on the seat and said something about throwing it out. He snatched it away from me, saying "Don't ever touch my burgers, dude. I'm saving them for dinner tonight."

I always thought he was crazy and would someday come down with a terrible case of food poisoning, but he never did. I'm wondering now if he was on to something about those hamburgers.

The latest "new" discovery by the mainstream media is that McDonald's Happy Meal hamburgers and fries won't decompose, even if you leave them out for six months. This story has been picked up by CNN, the Washington Post and many other MSM outlets which appear startled that junk food from fast food chains won't decompose.

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The truth is many processed foods don't decompose and won't be eaten by molds, insects or even rodents. Try leaving a tub of margarine outside in your yard and see if anything bothers to eat it. You'll find that the margarine stays seems immortal, too!

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Now here's the truly shocking part about all this: In my estimation, the reason nothing will eat a McDonald's hamburger bun (except a human) is because it's not food!

No normal animal will perceive a McDonald's hamburger bun as food, and as it turns out, neither will bacteria or fungi. To their senses, it's just not edible stuff. That's why these bionic burger buns just won't decompose.

Which brings me to my final point about this whole laughable distraction: There is only one species on planet Earth that's stupid enough to think a McDonald's hamburger is food. This species is suffering from skyrocketing rates of diabetes, cancer, heart disease, dementia and obesity. This species claims to be the most intelligent species on the planet, and yet it behaves in such a moronic way that it feeds its own children poisonous chemicals and such atrocious non-foods that even fungi won't eat it (and fungi will eat cow manure, just FYI).-Why McDonald's Happy Meal hamburgers won't decompose - the real story behind the story