Saturday, October 30, 2010

Prunes, They're Not What's For Lunch Anymore

I'm on another of my semi-successful weight loss campaigns. So, the other day I decide not to take a regular lunch to work, so as not to consume my usual 3 or 4 thousand workday calories. Something else to hold me over would have to do, so I looked around and found my recent dollar store purchase of a box of prunes. The box seemed to be trying to avoid scaring off young people (like my youthful self) by proclaiming that these were "dried plums", which somehow makes them sound like friendly giant-sized raisins.

I thought the plums I'd stuffed into my coat pocket were just there as insurance, as my overwhelming will power would fight off the inevitable hunger pangs that would result from not bringing a lunch to work. But I got hungry...

Oh the pain!!! I ate the whole goddamned box of prunes! I was just trying to ease a little of my hunger, but I got greedy and kept eating the evil shriveled up little bastards! I tried to look okay, but my face was giving me away. I had gas building up inside me.  I had to get up and go to the bathroom. Meanwhile I was trying hard not to fart in front of everyone as I got up and left the room.  This nightmare repeated several more times throughout the day.  

Prunes, you are now on my enemies list! 

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