Friday, October 22, 2010

Dear Mr. Skeptical (episode 7)

Dear Mr. Skeptic

Per your email and the exchange we all had I had assumed, perhaps imcorrectly, that you were going to still publish a column this week. It just is not a SE week without the Mr. Skeptic so is it still true yuo have lost the great questions that me and my friends at the Lone Cactus and Rattle Snake Saloon sent you? Those were some good questions and I take it you just didn't feel like answering em, amirite? I don't don't buy your lying excuse that the electric power went crazy on you and you "lost" all the stuff we sent in. That don't make no sense as we send them in on paper and not by email don't you remeber the big brown enevolpe and did you think I'd forget it too like Im a damn fool or something?


Mr. Don't Belive a Word of Your Lies NOT A FOOL!

Dear Don't,

I'm sorry to hear you were singed. It can happen to the best of us, as it did to those unfortunate letters I received from you. Yes, the power did go out, and I had your papers right next to the computer, and the open candle flame I had burning to keep away the darkness. Really, though, they were more than just singed, they were burned to a toasty crispness, nay, incinerated.  So, as you can see, they were still lost due to the power outage. However, it appears you may also have sent similar or duplicate questions to my colleague, Mr. Skeptic (I hope you addressed him as Mr. Skeptical)  so perhaps they will be answered by him in his next column.

Dear Mr. Sketpical,

When you going to write a book?


Booksy Galore

Dear Booksy,

Have you been looking at The Commentator's spelling for the link to this blog? Oh, never mind. The truth is, I will never be able to gather enough decent material for the Dear Mr. Skeptical book if I keep getting questions like yours.

Dear Mr. So-called "Skeptical",

Why does so many animals taste like chicken? I'm talking rabbits, rattle snakes, squirrels and such. Could it be God made them to taste like good chicken because he knows we like it so much. Nah, couldn't be, could it Mr. phony "Skeptical". Here you have proof of God Almighty staring up at you from your dinner plate, and you ignore it, as St. Paul said it best, you are "without excuse"!


Servant of the Chicken King

Dear Chicken,

Have you never heard of evolution? Read your Darwin and modern biology textbooks, you crazy creationist! There is clear fossil evidence that the snake evolved into the chicken (reptiles to birds) and then the chicken, through slow changes, branched off into its rabbit and squirrel descendants. The chicken feathers became fur, and the chicken beak, in the case of the rabbit, became that little rabbit nose. The tail feathers evolved into the cottontail, etc. In any event, it is obvious why they all taste similar, as they all come from the original snake (so you see, the rattle snake doesn't taste like chicken, quite the opposite; it is the chicken that tastes like the rattle snake).

Please try reading and educating yourself on the scientific facts before sending in such stupid comments!

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