Pro-Bully

Some faggot at Rutgers jumped off a bridge, so now every liberal is blathering about bullying. I thought it was an issue of privacy, dissemination of voyeuristic porn, and the intolerance that society harbors for gays, but apparently the problem is bullying.

New Jersey already has anti-bullying legislation on the books, but now they want to bolster it (it’s an election year, after all).

Gee, why would New Jersey be so sensitive to being mocked… I can’t tell whether it’s the fact that New Jersey is New York City’s trash dump, or because nobody there knows how to drive, or the pandemic of Italian guidos, or that stupid accent (yo, my state smells like gobidge), or the reputation Jersey girls have of being easier than a three piece puzzle.

I remember in Philadelphia, if you fail the driving test three times, they give you a New Jersey license. You know how a Jersey girl turns on the light after sex? She opens the car door. What’s the most popular form of birth control in New Jersey? Being gay.

New Jersey is the butt of more jokes than any state I know. Clearly New Jersey has every reason to be anti-bully. The only thing New Jersians hate more than all the jokes is that horrible smell that fills their home when they open a window.

I, however, take a firm pro-bully stance. You know what? Life is tough. It doesn’t get better. There are people who act less mature than most people I knew in high school running all over this country, and many of them hold elected office. This is a nation of retards and assholes, so you’re kidding yourself if you think any of this goes away. Your only choices are to ignore it or fight back.

And I mean actually fight back, not lobby some distant lawmaker to draft some piece of paper that just gets filed away somewhere. I mean insult that asshole who is making fun of you. His shit stinks like everyone else’s, and bullies are usually very sensitive to having criticism turned on them.

There’s no bully-crown that is held by one kid per school, ensuring him ultimate authority in bullydom. Anyone can be a bully. Even if you’re weak, or dumb, or small, or pastey, or you wheeze, or you sweat when you eat ketchup… whatever it is people are mocking you about, it’s something you have to learn to deal with for the rest of your life. Learn to cope with who you are and find the things other people are embarrassed about.

Or you can just live your life and ignore the jeers of people who mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. If you don’t think you can handle this, go find a fucking bridge.