Dear Mr Skeptical,
I wish your column was every Friday
Can't Get Enough
Enough already! These posts of mine are called Dear Mr. Skeptical, and no amount of lobbying by the likes of you will change that. This column is not (and will not be) named Every Friday, and won't ever be as long as I'm writing it. You think I want to churn out this crap every single week? You've got another thing coming, and it won't be a weekly feature from me.
Dear Mister Skepticals
My Grandma died and I will see here again someday, won't I?
Yes, of course you'll see her again. It won't be as you knew her, but you'll see her. Then they'll most likely put her under a lot of dirt, so you won't have to look at her again.
Wait...what!!! "Missing Grandma" has signed your letter? She's alive! Didn't you notice when you sent it? Dear god, fool, she isn't dead at all. She's obviously gone insane though and is wandering in the shadows of your house, signing her name to god knows what. Look out behind you! She could be anywhere! Oh my, how I wish you the best of luck with your crazy grandma. You'll be wishing she was dead in no time.
Dear Mr. Skeptical
Can you tell the time by looking at the moon?
To save us both a lot of trouble, I'm sending you a watch with a light up dial so that you can tell time in the dark.