So, how’s it going Bret?
Not too bad. I’ve been keeping busy since I got kicked off of Skeptical Eye for making death threats and being an overall jackass.
I’m pretty sure no one at SE is Jewish, but thanks for the sympathy.
But dude, you’re missing the bigger picture. You defeated those earthworms with your words, imagine what you would have done with your fire-breathing fists.
My fists don’t do that, but I’m not a warlock like you.
Don’t worry, bro, they’ll offer your old job back. They always do. They can’t process you with a normal brain. You’re like me, tired of pretending you aren’t special. We are bitchin’ rock stars from Mars. We have tiger’s blood and Adonis DNA.
Well… that’s sweet of you to say, but that’s not really what I’m about.
We’ve got 10,000 year old brains and the boogers of a seven year old.
That doesn’t even make sense.
Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?
Holy shit, who invited Batman?
It’s Bateman, actually.
Do you guys ever wonder why Americans have a soft spot for sociopaths?
Jealousy, my friend. It’s just pure jealousy. Everyone wants a piece of you when you’re an F-18, shooting them out of the sky and deploying your ordinance to the ground.
You don’t think the attention is reminiscent of slowing down as you pass a car accident?
Jesus Charlie, what are you doing?
Duh, winning. Drug tests don’t lie. Scoreboard.
Well, it’s not like saying offensive things always works out. Look at Mel, he’s as untouchable as Hitler.
Whoa whoa whoa… don’t go comparing me to Hitler. He was the master. I’ve just made movies, I’m more like Goebbels.
Well, I don’t think you guys will be much help to me, because you were all famous before people knew you were psychotic.
Perhaps I can be of some assistance.
Don’t listen to that nigger, Bret. They aren’t to be trusted.
Shut up Mel. I’m going to at least hear him out.
You have to keep it all bottled up, be real nice and polite, then when you have the world on a string, you can cut the cord and watch all the little people fall at your feet.
I agree. If they never see you coming, it’s just a lot easier.
Listen to Batman.
My mistake. Just cool it, and remain calm when speaking to the public. When you’re behind closed doors, you can order unmanned predator drone attacks or cruise missile strikes, but it’s best if people know you for talking about peace. No one cares what you actually do, just sound civil.
So I can still be a raging maniacal narcissist, so long as I keep it under wraps?
Now you got it. Besides, you aren’t narcissistic, you wanna see narcissistic?
Yeah bitch, look into the camera.
Feeling a little uncomfortable…
Trust me, Bret. Just ignore the detractors and get your message out there, and this could be you: