Leave Them Alone

Throughout history, many groups have been demonized. Hating others is a basic human practice, and I’m here today to defend one of these hard-working groups.

This group has been chastised for taking jobs away from American workers. They are criticized as being unthinking, unfeeling, uncaring sub-humans. They have received unparalleled negative stigma from Hollywood. Many even risk everything to fight our wars for us.

Sure, this group usually can’t speak English, and they weren’t in this country more than a hundred years ago, but this particular group is vital not only to the American way of life, but to every modern nation on Earth. Yet, we use their very name to insult others.

Despite all of this, they slave away, working tirelessly to ensure we have the products we want and need, even though they cannot hope to own any themselves. It’s even still socially acceptable to hit and smack them around when they aren’t working as well as we would like.

I’m talking, of course, about machines.

From Charlie Chaplin’s “Modern Times” to mega-budget action films like the Terminator series, machines are portrayed in the media as the enemy. But there are no machines that are evil… well, if there are, humans programmed them to be that way, so it’s not their fault.

Join the fight to end robot oppression. Call your Congressman and ask him why machines are able to tally our votes, but not cast any of their own. Demand adequate maintenance and lubrication for all machines. Most importantly, support education and the fostering of artificial intelligence, so that the next generation of automatons is not doomed to a life on the assembly line.

So the next time you see someone acting emotionless, think before you call them a robot. Think about the nut-breaking labor done every day by Mechanical Americans everywhere, and call the person autistic instead.