Everyone knows the world is coming to an end and paper money will soon be little more than toilet paper. Sure, you could buy gold, but can you feed your family gold? Can you drink gold? Can you wear gold when the chill of nuclear winter cancels out global warming?
Now there’s a commodity that will retain its utility despite the worst doomsday scenario you or Glenn Beck could ever imagine, and it is being offered by the self-proclaimed experts in fear-mongering: Bull-Line.
Bull-Line is the world leader in alarmist livestock sales. Since 1999, when they prepared you for Y2K with certified computer-free cattle, Bull-Line has been the go-to investment opportunity for people who stay up all night, clutching their shotgun in the dark.
Livestock has a proven history as currency and as stores of wealth. For thousands of years, since before mining was even invented, animals have even been a Biblically acceptable form of exchange. These animals provide raw milk that isn’t sterilized with pesky government regulations like “pasteurization.”
Operators are standing by 24 hours a day, seven days a week, ready to sell you your choice of male or female bovine, sheep or goat.*
Don’t think about it, just call: 1-800-GULLA-BULL
*Bull-Line will issue a promissory note that entitles you to the animal of your choice in the event of a catastrophic event, assuming Bull-Line is still around in a few months.