Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Devaluing Privacy

I don’t have to mention the government’s incursions into privacy to you people, and I don’t have to worry whether “you people” is racist in this situation because all of you are white.

Don’t lie and go posting a comment as Random saying “I’m not white,” because we all know you’re a liar. And marrying a black person doesn’t count, let alone just having banged one in the past. Race isn’t sexually transmitted (but if you were banging black people, you might want to get tested for other stuff… I’m just saying, statistically…).

So, I was talking to my pals Mel Gibson and Dr. Laura, and we all agreed that the biggest invasion of privacy isn’t coming from the government. For years, private individuals have been invading the privacy of others, be they paparazzi or Orwellian Big Brothers who install cameras in and around their homes.

Every day, thousands of years of video is captured in America, primarily in fascist department stores. They watch you choose your food from behind spooky black bubbles that I thought had fish in them when I was a kid. Anyone else?

They scrutinize you from CCTV cameras fed to unseen viewers, often recorded and held for an undisclosed period of time.

They watch as you pick your nose, scratch your ass, and adjust your crotch. They see you out with the woman who isn’t your wife. They even oggle at you while you try on clothes. Oh yes, they leer at your electronically rendered nudity, and for the most part they laugh at it. The good stuff ends up online (and some of it is really good… plenty of Americans are in great shape).

But it’s understandable that no one cares, since people willingly share far more embarrassing stuff with the world. Kids today and their… MyFace or whatever. I tell ya, 15 year olds today smoke a lot of pot and wear some low cut shirts… and jeans. And why does every guy have “Good Fellas” and “Scarface” in his favorite movies? When did cocaine dealer become an aspiration? Buy some aviators, talk to a guy working at a motel, and you’re in. Why just dream?

The government is just tapping our phones… but who the hell makes phone calls anymore? I think just terrorists, drug dealers, and worst of all: old people.

The big question is, now that everything we do is recorded for all of history, will we be more forgiving? Will we realize it’s not a big deal if someone smokes a little weed, drops a little acid, eats some shrooms, drinks a bottle of cough syrup, inhales some whippits and sits in their room laughing at a zombie movie?

Privacy is an enemy of freedom, because people act so self-righteous when they think no one knows what they do in private. Ministers denounce homosexuals in their sermon, then retire to a hotel room with their 18 year old rent-a-boy and an 8 ball. Talk radio hosts denounce drug users while popping pain killers. Liberals denounce racists while making nigger jokes with friends over brandy.

Broadcast it all, and there will be too many bombshells for us to act appalled at them all. We need to burn out on mock outrage today so that we may live free tomorrow. Drop the baggage of guilty privacy, people.

We’ve all masturbated to questionable stuff, stuff that’s only legal in Holland. We’ve all took a shit when we meant to fart. We’ve all called our significant other words that would get us kicked off the air (except on HBO, where our ratings would soar).

Privacy is imprisonment, and the captive is the truth. Come on, how faggy do I have get here?

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for haphazardly rehashing Tuesday's Daily Show, at least you gave them credit.

    I think it's unfortunate they focused on the fact that she said nigger instead of the fact that she gave horrible psychological "advice," not to mention the ridiculously rude assertion that one shouldn't marry "outside your race." That was way more racist than saying nigger, nigger, nigger. Racist and retarded. How could she not have foreseen the fall out? Has she been in a bubble since 1954?

    And I promise, I hate that cunt Sarah Palin a lot more than you. Just give me a clear shot... she will be covered in cum. Totally worth having to register as a sex offender for life. I will love telling my neighbors about it every time I move.


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