Monday, January 10, 2011

The Cause

Some people are too afraid to admit why Jared Lee Loughner went on a killing spree, but not me. I’ve boiled it down to the two most obvious causes. The root of this whole insidious plot was obviously his marijuana addiction and the fact that he never accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as his personal Savior and co-pilot.

Think about it. I’ve never smoked pot personally, but I have a pretty good understanding of what it does to you thanks to documentaries like Reefer Madness. Jared Lee Loughner probably got all hopped up on the dope at some jazz club full of negroes and got it in his head that he had to kill someone. Colored people have that effect, so maybe the fact that we have a black president is also to blame.

But even worse, Jared never knew the healing and age-defying effects of the eternal joy that is the sweet, sweet love of Jesus Christ. The Light of the World was brutally tortured in an archaic form of human sacrifice so that we human beings may do whatever we please and then ask for forgiveness. Just think, if Jared had been a Christian, the lives of several people could have been saved. Instead of this bloody massacre, Jared would have likely only killed one abortion doctor due to his intense respect for life.

I will pray for him and offer up a burnt offering of pig testicles in the hopes that he will turn to the only person who can save him now… Dr. Emmett Brown.

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