Some people look at the youth with pessimism bordering on seething hatred. Personally, I experience that when I meet old people, and I have nothing but hope for the future when I see young people. For one thing, they’re much easier on the eyes. Wrinkles and liver spots just don’t do it for me.
But on a more substantial note, two middle school students are suing their school with the help of the ACLU in a case where they were suspended for wearing cancer awareness jewelry.
Why would the school ever do something so unbelievably idiotic? Because these breast cancer awareness bracelets had “I Heart Boobies” written on them.
If this was 50 years ago, the kids would just mope in their room and go back to school defeated after their punishment, but the younger generations are showing they aren’t going to take it lying down. While the old bitch and moan about “frivolous lawsuits,” wishing the younger generations would just shut up and accept their fate, the young keep bringing the fight for progress to the front lines with a vigor that the old cannot match, even if they’re hooked up to oxygen.
School officials need to get over themselves. They claim the bracelets are a “distraction,” but the only distraction here is another instance of censor nazis needing to remind us all from time to time who calls the shots. Shouldn’t you overreactionaries be out trying to ban Harry Potter books or something?
What is nice, however, is that this whole thing is bringing attention to a real problem, so I guess in a way these “martyrs” have succeeded – though, let’s face it, they just got to watch movies at home for a few days and can’t wear a bracelet… not exactly “victims.” It sort of teaches us that if you want to bring attention to your cause, be offensive.
Damnit, I thought the trick was to be like, “Screw you guys, I’m goin’ home.”
So, I thought of some offensive bracelet ideas that you’re free to use to bilk people out of their hard earned money, so long as you can convince them it’s for charity.
- “Give a Shit” for colon cancer
- “Feel My Balls” for testicular cancer
- “Go Topless” for Anarchy [stretch…]
- “Blow Me” for abstinence education
- “What’s Up Your Ass?” for prostate cancer
- “I Swallow” for anorexia awareness (bonus points if you promote the cause with an eating contest)