Saturday, December 11, 2010

ACT: Choosing a Time

In my continuing effort to provide practical ideas for taking action, I decided to put a little thought into something perhaps few bother to consider: when is a good time to start a revolution?

Now, this can mean one of many things, so I’ll try to address as many as I can.

My first thought was, “What time of day would be best?” I was thinking early morning, like really early. I’m talking fishing early… like, maybe you should just stay up from the day before early. No, no… you can’t have a bunch of sleep deprived revolutionaries nodding off when you need them alert and ready. Although, an army of red-eyed, zombie-like soldiers would be quite intimidating.

I think it would still be best to start it early in the morning, however. The only people who will be awake to fend off the assault will be old people, and let’s be honest, that isn’t much of a challenge.

Another option might be in the middle of the night. If you attack then, however, by the time you have everything all conquered, you’ll be too worn out to establish a system before everyone needs to sleep. Maybe this would be a good time for an anarchist revolution… at least everyone could wake up to one morning of anarchism before the whole thing devolves into some sort of oppressive hierarchy.

So, what day of the week, or what time of year? I think a Monday morning would work well, since people won’t be at their peak… then again the revolutionaries probably won’t be, either. September 11th was on a Tuesday, and this was arguably the most successful sneak attack in history. Maybe a Tuesday morning would work, since no one would expect it… or maybe now they will.

Sunday morning would also be a good call, since you can catch most of the gun owners while they’re unarmed at church. If it was a war on the upper class, Thursday night might be a good choice, since this is the new Friday night for rich people. A few well placed incendiaries in up-scale night clubs, theaters, and social clubs would certainly be of peak effectiveness then.

Another option might be to wait for some kind of holiday. St. Patrick’s day would be perfect. Why? Most people are too drunk to put up much of a fight and you know where most of the police are; just set an ambush on the parade route.

Maybe I should have put a disclosure on this: I do not endorse the use of force, as provided by the second amendment, against our innocent oppressors. It’s wrong to stand up for yourself, and you should just shut up, drink your beer, and park your fat ass on the couch.

Anyway, now that you know I don’t support violence *wink*, what are some other times that would facilitate a bloody takeover?

How about late afternoon on Thanksgiving? Most people will be too drowsy and distracted watching football to stop you. In general, anytime you can use mass complacency as cover would be effective.

But there is another way the question can be taken: when is the point at which an armed rebellion is necessary? Well, this one is more personal. For some people, we passed that point years ago, but this is what leads me to believe that the revolution won’t be led by anyone with the problems faced in the past: things have been business as usual for decades, and no one has started anything in that time, so clearly those who are victims now are not interested in doing anything about it.

The people who would do such a thing have not had their buttons pushed yet. So, whoever has not had a reason to revolt is inevitably the group who will do it. Let’s see… it’s not black people, it’s not women… if I was a betting man, I would say that when white guys get pissed off, the shit will hit the fan.

But wait, before you accuse me of being too cliché, consider this: it won’t be the much-maligned old white guys. No, they’ve had decades to do something, but they pretty much just made things systematically worse. Besides, old white guys are horrible in a fight (I would rank them just below black women). Clearly it will be young white guys who draw first blood. Though lets be honest, they’ll be fighting for the old white guys.

Yeah, it’ll be a revolution all right… oh, how things never change.

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