Thursday, May 5, 2011

Entenmann’s Donuts

I love Entenmann’s Donuts. Honestly, if I lived alone, I would probably sit down with a box of them and eat all 8 in one sitting while watching Mythbusters.

Anyone who loves Entenmann’s Donuts knows they aren’t even really donuts, they’re just little circular cakes coated in chocolate. I don’t much care for donuts, but I love cake. I mean, who doesn’t love cake?

The problem is, you can’t just eat cake around other people. They always ask, “What’s the occasion?” To which my only reply can be, “I’ve given up being healthy.” Having a donut just invites someone to ask if they can have one. Being a Socialist, I always say, “Go ask the government for some, these are mine!”

Now I know what some of you must be thinking, “What about cupcakes?” Look, I’m married… to a woman. I know I support gay marriage, but I think you have the wrong idea about me.

There’s nothing wrong with men who eat cupcakes. I don’t even care if they nibble on one while sitting on a park bench across from me, I won’t be uncomfortable. I just don’t swing that way.

I don’t like food that I have to undress. Even after you take off its upside-down skirt, most good cupcakes leave you with one hell of a dilemma when it comes to actually eating them. Unless you can stick you’re whole fist in your mouth (again, I’m not judging), cupcakes are just not easy to consume.

I’m just not a cupcake fan. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ll eat one if given one for free. I am fat, after all. I’m just saying I wouldn’t spend my own money for one, nor would I go to the trouble of making cupcakes.

That is all. You may now return to your regularly scheduled boredom.

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