Sunday, April 24, 2011

The Sunday Post: Happy Bunny Day

Well, it's Sunday once again, and not just any Sunday...oh, hell, yes it is! As you can see, we've got the old stove and oven fired up and ready to go. On the stove top are canned yams and lima beans, and in the oven is a 10lb ham. I was going to go for the spiral cut ham this year, but we're on a budget, so I bought a regular bone-in half-ham. I'm pretty hungry as I write this, but the ham has got a couple of hours to go. For dessert, we kept it simple and bought a frozen apple pie. It will go in the oven after the ham comes out.

I once took a long Greyhound bus trip during the Easter season, and people near me started talking about how sometimes Easter is in March, and sometimes in April. They didn't know why. Well, here's why:

Wondering why Easter’s so late this year? Don’t blame the bunny. It actually has to do with the moon, the spring equinox, and a decision made by the Council of Nicaea in 325 A.D. to make the holiday a “movable feast.” Even after that decision, it is believed the date varied for a while among churches.

Confusing matters a bit more, Easter can fall on 35 possible dates between March 22 and April 25, and those dates repeat every 5.7 million years.


Put simply, the holiday is always the Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox.-Science, history, unshakable faith behind Easter’s moving date

Okay, satisfied?

We've never made as big a deal (not since the day of lots of chocolate candy and Easter baskets) out of Easter in our family as we do Thanksgiving and Christmas. In comparison to those two, Easter seems like the unholiday (it falls on a day that most people have off anyway, though I suppose some do still manage a three day weekend by taking or getting Good Friday off), without much hoopla to it (Halloween is much more exciting, though it too is one of those "unofficial" holidays that you don't get paid for and that the state doesn't recognize - good, keep your filthy government hands off my Halloween, you statist bastards!).

Our company is closed for Easter, but our department is the only one open on Sunday anyway. Those who work Sundays get the day off, but without pay. It's my day off anyway, so I don't care.

I called this edition of the Sunday Post "Happy Bunny Day" because that phrase stuck in my mind years ago when a girl in a cooking class I was taking kept repeating it the week before Easter. Reminds me also of the infamous "bunny picture" incident.

The Bunny Picture

Okay, so this dude (looked kinda like Bret "Ginx" Alan with longer hair) was at this mental ward at a local hospital, and as Easter approached, he started drawing pictures. One was of a sinister looking Easter Bunny. He was very proud of it. He kept it by his bed and showed it to everyone. Well, his sister was a friend of mine, and she told me she feared her brother was sure to be locked up longer if they looked at that crazy bunny picture he'd drawn. She hatched a plot to replace it with a nicer picture, one of a cute and cuddly Easter Bunny. She then commissioned me to draw it.

"You do realize I can't draw worth a damn, don't you?" I told her.

"Neither can my brother. You draw one, and use the same idiot crayons to color it like he did, and I'll replace his with yours."

"Why can't you draw it," I asked.

"I can't draw worth a damn," she replied.

I went home that night and got out one of my animal drawing books (I have a large collection of animal drawing books, and none of my pictures based on them have turned out remotely looking like a real animal; thank God the Easter bunny is not a real animal). I got to work with my pencils and crayons, and in a few hours had what I thought was a damn good looking Easter bunny. My friend had said her brother's version was dark and scary and colored red and black, and would I please make mine soft and light with pastel colors and bright Easter happiness. As I looked over my finished product, I was quite satisfied that I'd succeeded. I'd had that photo of my friend's brother's bunny picture she'd secretly snapped at the hospital to guide me in capturing the patient's insane style, and I believed I had pulled it off.

"I still don't get it," I told her. "What exactly is this going to accomplish?"

"They're having an art exhibit of all the crazies work, and I want them to see my brother in a good light. He can't stay in that horrible place!" She started to cry, and I put my arm around her.

"Let's go get something to eat," I suggested. "It will make you feel better."

The next week, after she made the switch, and somehow got my bunny picture displayed during the art show instead of her brother's, I heard all about the incident that resulted.

"He took one look at your drawing and went ape shit. He started yelling and screaming, saying, 'That's a pansy's drawing! A faggot drew it! I'm not gay! I'm not gay! Who's the goddamn faggot that drew that?'

"He got angrier and angrier, until finally they restrained him and took him away. All because he acted so crazy when he saw your faggot picture."

"Faggot picture? It was exactly what you asked for!"

"Well, you know what I mean", she said. "Anyway, he won't be getting out for a while, now."

"Let's go get some dinner," I said cheerfully. "It will help take your mind off things."

She looked at me sort of funny, then said, "No, sorry, I don't date homosexuals."

"What! I'm not gay. You know that, come on, what the hell are you talking about?"

She looked at me sadly. "You're very nice, but I can't be with a man who likes to draw cute bunnies that look so gay, that's all."

"You asked me to draw it!"

"Yeah, but you could've been a man and said no."

I heard from her again a couple months later.

"Hey, my brother is starting to come around to that bunny picture you drew at Easter. Maybe it's all the drugs they've got him on. Anyway, he wanted to know who drew it. He likes cats and wants you to draw him a cute cat picture for his wall at his room in the hospital. What do you think, can you make it really cute and cuddly, and all colorful, like your last drawing? He said he'd draw one himself, but not being gay and all, he doesn't think he can capture it the way you can."

I vowed to stick to drawing dangerous, mean looking bunnies from that day on...and mean, vicious old cats, too!

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