Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Black Thoughts on Black Friday

Didn't think I could do it, did ya? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! dIDN'T THINK i'D WRITE A BLACK FRIDAY post, DID YA? hahahahahahaha!!! tHINK i'M SO CRAZY i don't know when to turn off Caps lock, don't ya? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Think all I'm good for is posting videos, don't ya? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! WELL YA COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG!!!! I'm posting it the following week, that's how sick I am! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Yes, I've been DRIVEN mad by the aftereffects of Black Friday! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, to calm down a bit here, I listened with interest to a co-worker on her Black Friday Walmart experience. To sum it up, she is never going to shop there again. She went in at midnight, and was shoved down an aisle by an crazed shopper. Now she's on her own personal boycott of the retail giant, and after my Black Friday Walmart nightmare, I can't say I blame her. I went to get a popular item in the electronics department, and being the inexperienced greenhorn in Black Friday shopping that I am, I took it seriously when Walmart claimed that the sale in electronics would start at 5AM. What a fool I was! I set my alarm for 4AM, got dressed and made plans to arrive "early". When I was driving down the street to the nearest Walmart, a pick-up truck zoomed passed me and cut me off. What a jerk, I thought. Where would he need to be going so fast so early in the morning on nearly empty streets? I got my answer when I saw the truck turn into the Walmart parking lot just before I did. Another thing, the lot was almost full.

I parked and as I walked toward the entrance an older couple also approached the front doors. They seemed out of place among all the young faces, and they stopped to ask someone who had already made their purchases and was pushing their cart to their car if the HD televisions were going on sale at 5AM like the ad they held in their hands stated. The guy looked at them and announced loud enough for me to hear that all of the TVs were "gone" and also the laptops. I went inside to take a look at the frenzy anyway. There weren't actually too many people up front, but as I made my way through the maze of the women's clothing section to get to electronics, I emerged into a crowd of wall-to-wall people. They were all lined up every which way down the narrow aisles, waiting I guess for 5AM, and who knows how long they'd been there. Every aisle, in fact, was blocked with these streams of human flesh, so that you couldn't even browse at any of the items. The staff, as usual, were nearly worthless (I still can't comprehend that the world's largest private employer and retailer has such shitty customer service). Sam Walton burns in Hell!

So, unsuccessful on my cheapo quest at that Walmart location, I headed for the exit, which had some old fart Walmart employee standing there with a hand-printed cardboard sign that read: "Entrance Only". Yeah, like I was gonna pay attention to that and walk all the way to the other side of the building (where my car wasn't parked) like all the other stupid, fat sheeple that turned back and made their way to the other entrance. No, I just brushed past the guy and went on my way. He didn't even protest my action meekly (I guess you can't expect much from someone making slave wages). And screw you Walmart for telling me I can't leave by the same door I entered.

However, I wasn't giving up at that point. There was another Walmart not far away, and I decided to try there. It was the same scene, with the same fat, ugly, greedy materialistic people pushing and shoving and acting like assholes. It made me sick. I also got to thinking how much I hate people. I almost concluded that anarchy was a pipe dream, cause if these were the representatives of the common man, forget it, it would never work. I didn't go that far, for lots of reasons, but I did realize that any form of communism where there is no money and anyone can just walk in and take what they "need" from the "abundance" that the socialist paradise will produce ain't ever gonna happen, not in 10,000 years.

I left depressed, and wondering what's become of America. These were relatively young people caught up in the shopping mania created by our capitalist overlords (they've turned the day after Thanksgiving into a new "holiday" that represents the opposite of everything the day before should stand for) and so, I suppose, are the future of the country. Fat, greedy bastards growing up in a land where most of the major businesses don't know the meaning of the words "customer service" anymore.

I drove home, the memory of the digital camera riot (the Walmart girl kept shouting "There's plenty for everyone", but to no avail) fresh in my mind, and vowing never to go out shopping on a day called "Black" again. Well, at least not unless I get to the stores by midnight or earlier. JUST WAIT TILL NEXT YEAR!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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