Today I start my diary. For myself only, I hope. Jesus, please forgive me if I'm wrong in this. I know my thoughts are evil, my heart is very wicked; have mercy on me, Lord, I need you! I hope I love you. Please let me love you, it is a wonderful privilege. I don't feel right in making this diary, because I feel in my heart that my motives are wrong. But I can still do it for myself, to reread sometimes. If it's really wrong, if God hates it, I'll stop soon!!!
But I am saved. If I trust in Jesus he won't let me down! If I fall he will pick me up.
I am afraid of dying! I hope Jesus keeps me alive on this earth a little longer.
I don't want to doubt. I know God loves me, I wish I could feel more excited I feel so dead inside. But God has been good to me, it is amazing all the wonderful things he's done!!! I mean that with my heart. When I have been sick God has always healed me. I can say (I don't lie!) I have seen Him perform great miracles in my life.
Don't feel good right now, sick in body. I need to be baptized to confess Jesus before others.
"If ye will not confess me before men, neither will I confess you before my Father in Heaven."
I must tell Dad tomorrow that I want to be baptized. I should not be afraid. I am a horrible coward. But when it comes to Jesus, my wonderful, lovely, kind, caring, patient, forgiving savior, I must not be a coward, not after what he did for me.
I must believe Jesus no matter what happens. If I die before tomorrow I trust that God will be with me. I need help, only God can help me.
Please forgive Lord!
Went to ______ today. Pastor ________ in the morning on Unity of the Spirit and Faith. He was right. I judge where I have no right to judge, considering what I am. However, there are some doctrines that now that I think I understand them would never want to give up. Predestination, Election, Eternal Security, they are very true! Pastor ________ is still a good man though, and closer to God than I shall ever be. I used to hold to certain doctrines for wrong reasons. I hope it is not so any longer.
Evening service Pastor ________ on 1 Corinthians 13 on love, "great sermon". I needed to hear it. I have so little love for others and for God. I want to change. God will help me to change. I don't want to play a game.
Lord, love me! Help me not to do evil in your sight. I need you. I am nothing.
Praise God for great men like John Bunyan and C.H. Spurgeon. Both of their writings have helped me a lot.
I know God is real and Christ is real. I wish I could live just one week without any doubts! Maybe someday I shall. What a great day that would be. I hope I live to see it. I think I may.
God does answer prayer. I love my dad, God bless him. He is a good and kind father. I am lucky to have him.
Jesus is very good! I hope I love him.
Please help me Jesus!
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