Saturday, October 15, 2011

Dear Mr. Skeptical (episode 17)

Dear Mr. Skeptical

When are you going to take it to the next level?


Level-Headed African-American Gamer and Inventor of The Genius Machine of the Future

Dear Headed to Nowhere,

Hey game boy, where do you get your questions?

To answer, however, I must prepare myself.....there, ready, with my hand on my joystick!

Of course, taking it to the "next level" isn't always easy. First you have to slay the dragon, and there's a mean one in the game I'm playing. Then, even after that, you have to have gay sex with an elf to overcome your homophobia (and your elfophobia). Well, no way Jose! I'm not having sex with no Mexican elf, or any other elf for that matter!

So, to answer your question, I WILL NOT be taking it to the next level!

Dear Skeptic,

why was there no meat on Friday and why did it change?


Fish Hater

Dear Fish,

Well, it all goes back to some confusion over Friday, which was interpreted to mean "Fry Day", as in fried fish. Thus, meat was banned and everyone went to all-you-can-eat fish fries every Friday night. Then , some Dope (or was it Pope?) decided fried food was bad for you and red meat made you strong to resist temptation, like having sex with elves, so the rule was rescinded and Friday became a happy meal day again, where a real man could eat a rare steak after a hard week of labor.

Dear Mr. Skeptical,

Do you take long showers?


The Bather

Dear Nudist,

I got out of the shower stealing business a long (no pun intended) time ago. Now, I focus on bathtubs (big, fat, William Howard Taft sized tubs).

By the way, do you know why they're called "tubs"? Because they were made for tubby people (and with America now full of fatsos, the illicit bathtub trade just seems to make more economic sense).

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