Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Last Dishonest Pizza?

It was supposed to be a casserole of some sort for dinner last night (I never did find out what it was exactly) but my mom (I was visiting) changed her mind when the casserole started to burn. She had not checked on it and the oven temperature was set too high. I thought it would be fine, but no, she decided we would have pizza instead. She had asked earlier in the day for a "self-rising" frozen pizza. It was on her list that she sent dad and me with to the supermarket.

Dad said it was too expensive, so he didn't get one. Mom asked first thing when we returned where her pizza was. Didn't have enough in my account, said dad, without mentioning the big bag of marbles he'd purchased (something about a slingshot and squirrels). So the old casserole went in the oven (and it was old, prepared who knows when and then left in the freezer for who knows how long). But 425 degrees was too much for it. Dad said he'll have it tomorrow though. In the meantime Mom got on the phone and called the local Round Table just down the street, the one where she has a take-out pizza account (so she says). I could hear her from the living room as she ordered, asking the order-taking girl what specials they had going. A large (in Round Table speak "large" means "a very small pizza that no other pizza place would dare call large for fear of customer riots") pepperoni, two salads and two drinks was agreed on and Mom gave the girl her debit card number. After about 20 minutes Mom was pacing and looking out the window, then she opened the front door. Get ready, she declared, it's going to be here any second! When the seconds and then minutes passed without a delivery, Mom got on the phone. The girl told her the card was no good (invalid number) and Mom shouted at her to hold on a minute, it was good. It's my account I just deposited money into, of course it's good. Turns out though that Mom had read the card number wrong. Well, you should have called me and told me the card didn't go through, I've been here waiting with the front door open for the last hour! Girl claims she called. Liar! says Mom. Did you hear a phone ring? Dad and I shake our heads, as indeed we hadn't heard a phone ring at all, and there are phones all over the house, but nary a peep out of them.

"How can they lie like that?" Still, she put the order in again. When the food finally arrived, Mom had a little talk with the delivery guy, who sounded apologetic from what I could hear of the conversation.

The two salads were supposed to come with dressing.
"Where's the dressing?" She ran back outside and shouted to the retreating pizza man that the dressing was missing. "I'll call later for a freebie!" she yelled. Back inside, as the food sat on the kitchen counter, Mom looked closer at the salads. "Oh, I guess the dressing is in there, I couldn't see it in this dim light."

Mom got her small (that is, a Round Table "large") pizza after all, DiGiorno and dad's wallet be damned. Was pizza her plan all along? Did she sabotage the oven setting? Will pizza delivery guy ever return? Find out in the next startling episode of Mom's House On Pizza Night.

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