Monday, November 14, 2011

The Adventures of the Red Menace

His origins are mysterious, the truth obscured by legend, but whether the strange story of a bite by a radioactive Communist is true or not, one fact remains...the Red Menace lives!

Little Nick sat all alone, reading the latest issue of The Weekly Anarchist. He dreamed of putting out his own paper some day, when he wasn't engaged in street fights with various statists. How embarrassing it was for him that his own uncle Brett was now The Red Menace! A damn communist "superhero" that spent most of his time wrecking havoc and attacking powerless anarchists instead of going after the real enemy, the capitalist pigs. "What a phony!" said Little Nick in disgust. Of course, he knew his uncle always had been a phony, and completely clueless as to the real meaning of anarchism.

Just then there was a commotion. A man walking down the street had been assaulted by some kind of giant brute. People were shouting and going crazy and Little Nick ran to the scene of the attack. He immediately recognized the man who had been attacked and beaten as Elmer P. Scaredlykat, the local "gun nut" and member of the NRA who was said to have over 10,000 guns inside his house (Little Nick believed this to be an exaggeration, with the real number being closer to a more reasonable 2,500 guns).

"What happened?" he asked Elmer.

"Get away from me! It was your uncle, that thing! The Red Menace!"

People gasped, women screamed, and an old lady fainted.

Little Nick had had it with the accusations, as if he was responsible for the Red Menace! So what if the creature was his uncle? Sure, he could understand if he had invited a lunatic statist to contribute to a blog, or something outrageous like that. But, please, he couldn't help who his relations were, could he?

"Why did the Red Menace come after you?" asked a portly gentleman in a straw hat.

"Because I was exercising my second amendment right to open carry a gun! Had it right here on my belt. Damn, he took it!"

Little Nick grumbled under his breath. Why didn't that dirty atomic commie go after real crooks who carried guns all the time, the cops?

But Nick had a plan. He would find his uncle when he had not yet transformed into the awful anti-liberty beast! It was said he had a secret hideout, The Fortress of Statist Solitude, where he made his evil plans and relaxed while listening to speeches by Franklin D. Roosevelt. Little Nick would go there! He would catch his uncle off guard! He would stop the Red Menace!

To be continued....

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