Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Signs you might be a HORRIBLE driver

In the last few weeks I've been amazed at the sheer number of godawful idiot drivers out on the road. Please, boys and girls, make sure you aren't doing of this stuff because it means you can't drive:

1) If you are incapable of staying in your own lane--the most basic and simple task of driving--you are more likely than not a horrible driver. More than that, you are functionally retarded and should simply stay off the road (or maybe consider killing yourself).

2) If you insist on driving 15 mph under the speed limit, then become angry and speed up whenever someone tries to pass your sorry ass, you might be a horrible driver.

3) If you tail-gate people who are already going 15 mph over the speed limit, you might also be a horrible driver. Cork's rule of thumb: the more you tail-gate me, the slower I drive. This is a residential area, not the place for NASCAR you jackass.

4) If you make dangerous, last-second turns in front of oncoming traffic, you might be a horrible driver.

5) If you never use your turn signals you are a horrible driver.

6) If it takes you literally 20 minutes to back out of your parking space while a huge line of cars is waiting for your slow ass to do something (god forbid), you might be a horrible driver.

Thank you. That is all.

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