Thursday, March 13, 2014

Things I Learned from President Obama

Here is a list of things I learned from President Barack Obama in no particular order:

  • Cannibalism is a tolerable practice.  When President Obama promotes the overthrow of the Syrian government by supporting the rebels, he didn’t bother to even condemn the rebel leader who devoured the heart of a dead Syrian soldier.
  • Multiculturism is a sham.  When Uganda, a sovereign foreign nation, passed an anti-gay bill in opposition to Western leaders, President Obama condemned the bill.  Who is he to say that their culture is bad and ours is superior?
  • Child rape is a tolerable practice.  Uganda’s anti-gay bill also included life imprisonment for sodomizing minors, the disabled, and transmitting HIV (which is technically murder).  By condemning the law, President Obama implicitly stated that he’s fine with child rape.
  • Congress doesn’t matter.  President Obama has openly stated that he doesn’t care what bills are passed by Congress.  This has been a common practice in many administrations in the past, but he is the first to openly state it.
  • Marijuana has no medical value.  President Obama stepped up the medical marijuana raids despite promising not to do so when he campaign.  Of course his first targets were in California, a state that continues to provide him with overwhelming support.
  • It is all right to allow your friends to not pay taxes.  President Obama was good friends with the CEO of GE.  GE as a legal person under the US government paid no taxes while many other corporations and, more importantly, actual people have to pay taxes.
  • Oppressing the poor is good practice so long as they support you.  If you are unable to afford health insurance, you are now a criminal in America.  That means that if you have to use Medicaid, you should be fined or put in prison if you are unable to pay the fine.
  • Low coverage health insurance is not good enough.  If you are not poor enough to be unable to afford health insurance but not well off enough to get really awesome coverage, you do not have enough.  You will have to completely revamp your entire lifestyle to get more adequate coverage, which includes dental and vision coverage for young children who don’t need it, because otherwise you are criminal.  True story: I lost my coverage for my family last year, which cost me $256 a month and had a 10,000 annual deductible with regular check-ups covered.  When I looked up equivalent coverage plans, the closest I found was a plan that had all the same coverage with the addition of dental and vision coverage for my infant son.  The cost was over 500 a month and the deductible was 12,000 annually.
  • There is nothing wrong with the National Debt.  With the National Debt exceeding the United States’ GDP, it is clear that the President doesn’t seem too concerned with money that is not his, but that he is free to spend.
  • American citizens are subject to drone strikes for no reason.  President Obama approved of a drone strike against 16-year-old Abdulrahman al-Awlaki, whose crime was taking up residence in Yemen and having Anwar al-Awlaki as a father.  In short, if you are overseas, you are not subject to due process.
  • It is all right to impose your will on the justice system.  When President Obama was confronted about Bradley Manning’s case, which was ongoing at the time, he flatly stated that “he broke the law.”  This is tampering with the justice system and he crossed a legal line when he said that.  Instead of taking back his statement, the administration defended President Obama’s remarks.
  • Suspected terrorists don’t deserve due process, regardless of citizenship.  President Obama has repeatedly signed the NDAA for each year that allows him to lock up suspected terrorists without trial indefinitely.  A suspected terrorist, by the way, is a war veteran or a person with a Gadsden flag on their car.
  • Spying on US citizens is right and proper.  Because evil people do things in secret.  Unless you are working for the government, in which case you are not evil and therefore you must suppress those upstarts who leak information to the press.
  • As President, it is all right to spend a full month on vacation.  So many problems that this nation faces.  I think I’ll go golfing, the perfect white man’s sport.

There is more I can learn from President Obama.  He does have a little over two years left to teach me.


  1. Thanks, Swift! There hasn't been much contributor activity lately so this is much appreciated. Good post!

  2. Please allow me to guess the progressive response. Ahem.

    "Yeah but....Booooosh!


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