Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Whoopi Does Cosby

Dear ABC, Whoopi Goldberg is a total disgrace, and is an embarrassment to your entire network. Have you, parent company Disney (Walt is turning over in his grave) at long last no decency? This filthy anti-woman Cosby whore has made her pro-rapist views quite clear.

“Here’s the deal: This is ‘The View’ and that was my opinion,” Goldberg said. “Not any of you threatening me or telling me you’re coming after me because you don’t like what I said is going to change the fact that no one has convicted him, he has not been arrested, and the bottomline is that’s the law–innocent, until proven guilty.”-Whoopi Goldberg Goes Bonkers on Bill Cosby Critics: ‘I’m Sick of This Bull’ (Video)

Fuck Whoopi, fuck "The View" and fuck ABC television network. Boycott ABC until they fire this racist, anti-woman piece of shit!

Racist Whoopi Goldberg (do you really believe she'd be defending rapist Bill Cosby if he wasn't black?) is a total disgrace! Will ABC do the right thing, or is it only whites such as Trump that should face consequences for their statements?

Monday, March 24, 2014

Dead Civil Rights Leader

A noted civil rights lawyer passed away last week.  When he was fresh out of college, he fought to end Jim Crow laws in Kansas.  His law firm was attacked by the racists there, having his windows shot out by people while being called a “niggar-lover”.

In other cases, he also sued President Ronald Reagan for appointing an ambassador to the Vatican, citing separation of church and state.  He also received awards for his representation of black clients in Kansas.

In 1988, he supported Al Gore in the Democratic Presidential primary.  He also ran for governor three times in the Democratic primary in Kansas as well as once for the Senate.

He was also known to have been a huge opponent to the Iraq War.  He had his followers protest the funerals of fallen veterans for doing what he viewed was evil in the name of the United States.

That civil rights leader was, of course, the late Fred Phelps, Sr., founder of Westboro Baptist Church.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Things I Learned from President Obama

Here is a list of things I learned from President Barack Obama in no particular order:

  • Cannibalism is a tolerable practice.  When President Obama promotes the overthrow of the Syrian government by supporting the rebels, he didn’t bother to even condemn the rebel leader who devoured the heart of a dead Syrian soldier.
  • Multiculturism is a sham.  When Uganda, a sovereign foreign nation, passed an anti-gay bill in opposition to Western leaders, President Obama condemned the bill.  Who is he to say that their culture is bad and ours is superior?
  • Child rape is a tolerable practice.  Uganda’s anti-gay bill also included life imprisonment for sodomizing minors, the disabled, and transmitting HIV (which is technically murder).  By condemning the law, President Obama implicitly stated that he’s fine with child rape.
  • Congress doesn’t matter.  President Obama has openly stated that he doesn’t care what bills are passed by Congress.  This has been a common practice in many administrations in the past, but he is the first to openly state it.
  • Marijuana has no medical value.  President Obama stepped up the medical marijuana raids despite promising not to do so when he campaign.  Of course his first targets were in California, a state that continues to provide him with overwhelming support.
  • It is all right to allow your friends to not pay taxes.  President Obama was good friends with the CEO of GE.  GE as a legal person under the US government paid no taxes while many other corporations and, more importantly, actual people have to pay taxes.
  • Oppressing the poor is good practice so long as they support you.  If you are unable to afford health insurance, you are now a criminal in America.  That means that if you have to use Medicaid, you should be fined or put in prison if you are unable to pay the fine.
  • Low coverage health insurance is not good enough.  If you are not poor enough to be unable to afford health insurance but not well off enough to get really awesome coverage, you do not have enough.  You will have to completely revamp your entire lifestyle to get more adequate coverage, which includes dental and vision coverage for young children who don’t need it, because otherwise you are criminal.  True story: I lost my coverage for my family last year, which cost me $256 a month and had a 10,000 annual deductible with regular check-ups covered.  When I looked up equivalent coverage plans, the closest I found was a plan that had all the same coverage with the addition of dental and vision coverage for my infant son.  The cost was over 500 a month and the deductible was 12,000 annually.
  • There is nothing wrong with the National Debt.  With the National Debt exceeding the United States’ GDP, it is clear that the President doesn’t seem too concerned with money that is not his, but that he is free to spend.
  • American citizens are subject to drone strikes for no reason.  President Obama approved of a drone strike against 16-year-old Abdulrahman al-Awlaki, whose crime was taking up residence in Yemen and having Anwar al-Awlaki as a father.  In short, if you are overseas, you are not subject to due process.
  • It is all right to impose your will on the justice system.  When President Obama was confronted about Bradley Manning’s case, which was ongoing at the time, he flatly stated that “he broke the law.”  This is tampering with the justice system and he crossed a legal line when he said that.  Instead of taking back his statement, the administration defended President Obama’s remarks.
  • Suspected terrorists don’t deserve due process, regardless of citizenship.  President Obama has repeatedly signed the NDAA for each year that allows him to lock up suspected terrorists without trial indefinitely.  A suspected terrorist, by the way, is a war veteran or a person with a Gadsden flag on their car.
  • Spying on US citizens is right and proper.  Because evil people do things in secret.  Unless you are working for the government, in which case you are not evil and therefore you must suppress those upstarts who leak information to the press.
  • As President, it is all right to spend a full month on vacation.  So many problems that this nation faces.  I think I’ll go golfing, the perfect white man’s sport.

There is more I can learn from President Obama.  He does have a little over two years left to teach me.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Potshots on the Faith Tribes

I just finished reading The Seven Faith Tribes by George Barna where he breaks down Americans into seven distinct faith groups after interviewing over 30,000 people.  Why seven? Probably because it’s in the Bible somewhere but then again everything is meaningless (also in the Bible, if you read the crap version that is NIV), so does it really matter?
Anyway, I’d thought I would take a look at the various faith tribes as Barna sums them up:
  • Casual Christians: by far the largest group coming in at around 66%, which is the number of the beast minus a digit.  And they certainly are a beastly group.  They have no real standards to speak of, other than to claim they are Christian without really understanding what that means and to not rock the boat.  In other words, they are a spineless, arrogant bunch who believe it is okay to bomb foreign Muslim children (because they are not Christian) and boo people like Ron Paul for pointing out that they should love their neighbor as themselves.  If most people are idiots, then they certainly are proof positive of this as they are the majority of Americans.  The mere fact that the NIV translation is the most widely used version also proves my point that this group is stupid.  They lack foresight and have no true understanding of their faith.  God prefers you sacrifice your children to Moloch rather than be what you are now (that is Bible as well).
  • Muslims: a small group in America, not exceeding 2%, this group is probably a very socially conservative group.  The only problem with this is that they vote Democratic, probably because the two Christian groups are such dicks about the social issues and see Muslims as stupid because they are Muslim (I don’t see them stupid for being Muslim, just stupid for being a person).  They also enjoy religious freedom in America but also want more government in our lives, which means they don’t want to enjoy religious freedom, just the oppression they would invariably suffer should their ballot desires come to fruition.   Generally though, Muslims have much in common with other socially conservative counterparts, which goes to show that you can vote without considerations for major social issues like the right to scramble a baby’s brain in the womb of its mother.
  • Jews: America has more Jews than any other nation on Earth.  I’m going to repeat that: America has more Jews than any other nation on Earth.  So despite having their own country, Israel, which would welcome all 6.5 million of them with open arms, they prefer to stay in this pit stain on the world.  It probably has something to do with their pride in being Jewish and how they are survivors or how the other races and religions are mostly gullible and stupid when it comes to financial matters.  Wait, that’s not fair to the Jews, because they do more than personal finance scams.  They also do a lot of comedy.  In any event, most, save the orthodox ones, don’t see their faith identity as a faith but more as a culture and family.  They are very welcoming to fellow Jews, which reminds me of a saying a Russian friend once said to me: “Don’t do business with other Russians”.  In any case, most Americans (see the first group) has some weird hard-on for Jews not realizing that they are just as idiotic as everyone else.  Also, they are the most unhappy group of all seven faith tribes.  And they make up about 2% of America.
  • Mormons: Mormons feature the largest number of converts each year.  They also feature the same rate of people leaving the Mormon church each year which means they never seem to get above about 2%.  So what does that tell you?  That they are evangelical failures?  That the only thing they have going for them, besides some idiot prophesying while staring at gold stones in a hat, is a good family life.  Which is also what Muslims have and what Captive Christians have and, to a lesser extent, Jews.   So really, all they have as a faith tribe that stands out is Willard Romney.  And he’s not a very good Mormon.
  • Pantheists: For some reason, George Barna didn’t want to make a miscellaneous category, so he instead called it a Pantheist category.  This is made up mostly of followers of the various East Asian religions like Hinduism and Buddhism.  For the most part, they tend to live for the moment and appear to have no direction.  This was explain the conclusion that Buddha made, which is that life is an illusion and nothing really matters.  Of course, if you sit under a tree for as long as he did and do nothing with yourself, then you’re going to develop such a pessimistic and pointless outlook on life as well.  As for the group as a whole, they are about 1% of the population, so their vote doesn’t count and I don’t give a crap about their political views.
  • Skeptics: This is the group that either has no faith (atheist) or only entertains the ideas of faith (agnostic).  They are, however, the third largest “faith” tribe in America at 11%.  Generally, they are libertarian in their attitudes about life in that they seem to follow the non-aggression principle.  They tend to not make a fuss in politics, despite a few bad apples, but are more than happy to dismiss religion and blame it on all the woes of this world (everyone needs an enemy).  You will often hear them grip about how all religions start wars but I doubt they could name five religious wars and not even one that America has fought in.  They also tend to ignore the mass genocides that have been perpetrated by atheists in the last century and state that they were communists, not atheists.  I guess religion wasn’t the opiate of the masses after all.
  • Captive Christians: The second largest group which was probably George Barna’s way of keeping the number at seven and stating that not all Christians are “like that.”  They make up 16% of Americans and hold deep convictions in their own faith.  This translates onto their politics where they are suckered into voting for the biggest idiot to promise an end to abortion, among other social ills.  But like many other Americans, they forget that politicians are in the void category of faith and tend to be looking out for the handout rather than appeasing the dumb masses.  So despite having strong moral convictions and maybe trying to let those stand as an example of their faith, they instead show us their faith through their votes.
Actually in all seriousness, each tribe does have something to offer and we all have agreements on a variety of things as George Barna later writes about later in the book.  While I have severe disagreements with some of his ideas (like putting community before self), his observations are useful and I would recommend it to anyone who is interested in finding out more about other faiths or their own (or lack thereof).
In any case, while I probably would fall into the Captive Christian category, I am personally disgusted with the political views of many of them, which is outsourcing moral conviction to the State, so I doubt I’d find much time to hang out with any of them.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Your Political Ideology Sucks

In the political world, every idea conveys a sense of hope to one group or another.  Perhaps I should analyze all the different groups I know from my own perspective:

  • Communists – This group is largely extinct mostly due to the fact that every major communist regime has effectively proven itself to be an utter waste of time and a needless waste of human lives.  There are still plenty of communists out there, who still believe in the foolish illusion that it can work because the next time we will get it right.
  • Socialists – What makes this group distinct from the Communists is that they will try and get approval of the people before enslaving them to the State instead of just outright conquest.  This was the key difference that Karl Marx introduced as pretty much all of his other ideas were just repackaged from older ideas like those of Robert Owen.  I suppose Marx’s greatest achievement was his superior marketing strategies that involved coercion and violence.  As for the Socialists, their marketing strategy always has something to do with the rich being against the poor and that if you elect them, they will make things right.  Their policies, however, tend to favor the rich and spite the poor as they need to maintain their voter base.  I mean think about it: if you had a solid group of people devoted to keeping you in power, would do something to fix their problems and risk getting voted out or would you keep their problems going in order to maintain your lot in life?
  • Corporatists – This group makes up the heads of the Republican party as well as many of the Democrat party.  They are the ones who will insist on regulations, mandates, controls, and making government better for everyone, in whatever way they suggest.  This is probably the core premise of modern politics with the banks being at the front of the line when it comes to receiving power and prestige.  In any case, the corporatists do not call themselves such and usually refer to themselves as “capitalists” in the respect that they believe in a free market, provided that the options given are at their discretion.
  • Conservatives – When I refer to conservatives here,  I mean the ones who come from the vein of William F. Buckley, Jr.  In other words, these are group of yahoos who believe that government should be limited and constitutional but when it comes to foreign policy, we should spare no expense (or the expense of our children to the 20th generation).  In other words, the constitution, which they so revere in one sentence, is not important when it gets in the way of their inherent militarism.  Then it is usually said that the Constitution is “not a suicide document” and rationalizations are made for their hypocrisy.
  • Constitutionalists – This group is often confused with the libertarians, but in fact they are a group that seeks to take most national issues back to the states.  While it is certainly a noble cause, I find that most state laws are meaningless and stupid, much like many of the Federal laws.  The problem is that while I agree that our national government should be limited by the boundaries outlined in the Constitution, they tend to forget key things.  For example, I have yet to come across one Constitutionalist who demands that the House of Representatives be increased in to 10,334, since the ratio is supposed to be 1 for every 30,000.
  • Libertarians – This group I identify as the minarchists, those who wish to minimalize government in all aspects of life and only keep them around to maintain justice and peace when necessary.  While I do admire their goals, I have a quick question: if people sometimes have a tendency to act criminal, which necessitates the intervention of government, then why would the criminals not attain the reigns of power?  While their model is certainly something of reverse-Utopian hope, where all problems are solved once government gets out of the way, mostly because government creates these problems in the first place.  But it is not government itself that is the problem, but the individuals in government.  I know, this is probably a straw man argument here, but I think the point that so long as individuals are prone to acts of irrational aggression against other individuals, there is always a chance for them to take over.
  • Anarcho-capitalists – This group largely believes that a total free market is the solution for people in that it asserts the individual is sovereign (I agree) and that you can live in a world without institutional coercive force.  The problem is that when coercive force is employed by one individual against another, a reactionary force is needed to rectify the problem.  This is not something that can be solved by the lack of government necessarily.  They also say that their system would limit the movement of hardened murderers, which I find laughable as well as tragic for said murderer’s victims.
  • Anarchists – I know, this group is distinct in that they believe in no government but also that we should be organized in a communal nature.  If you ever read Ursula K. Le Guin’s novel The Dispossessed, you’ll get an idea of how their ideal society works.  The problem is that if someone wanted to do something on their own, they would have to be forced back into the fold of the commune as it were.  Or face rejection when they needed help from others for turning their back on the community.  Another possible straw man, I know, but I think keeping people in communes would require the use of coercive force in conjunction with some central planning of some kind.

In essence, there is no system or ideal that can fix the problem of man.  As far as I am concerned, one should not advocate a particular ideology per se, but instead advocate an introspective nature where one creates a better version of oneself before setting out to change the world.  The best way in which you can change someone else is through the example of your life, which is the sum total of your decisions, not checking some box in a voting booth or writing a blog to complain about the countless assholes running our world.  Many of them are there because of the massive human desire to be ruled over by someone else and thus outsource their own responsibilities.

Personally though, I say everyone should go away and leave me alone to live my life how I choose, provided I bring no harm to others.  Unfortunately, that sentiment hardly ever crosses anyone’s mind these days.

Monday, February 13, 2012

The 42 Commandments of the Sovereign State

  1. There is no sovereign but the State.
  2. You shall have no other beliefs but what the State provides for you.
  3. Never question the State’s motives.
  4. Always remember the State’s holidays, especially the ones where the military are remembered, and take the day off from work.  For the rest of the year, you are to work in order to provide for the State but on those holidays, you are to not work.
  5. Honor the State so that your life will be long.  Do not view it as a collective of selfish individuals with the power to employ legal force but as a group of benevolent angels who have everyone’s best interests at heart.
  6. Do not kill a State official, an animal protected by the State, or another tax-paying producer.
  7. Feel free to commit adultery as the State your sovereign thrives on dependence that results from divorce.
  8. Do not steal.  Let the State do that for you.
  9. Do not lie to the State as any lie, regardless of its relevance to the investigation, will be used against you to make you a ward of the State.
  10. Covet everything that your fellow tax-paying citizen has and thus empower the State to take from them half of their income in order to enrich you and, more importantly, the rich supporters of the State.
  11. Never question the State’s economic reports.  They are always correct and never mask what is really going on.
  12. Law enforcement officers, who serve as the hands of the State, are to be honored and regarded with the reverence that men used to give angels.  They are infallible and do no wrong.
  13. Always honor and praise the military, regardless of what atrocities they may have allegedly committed.  They are the feet of the State, stomping out the foreign insects who seek to deprive you of your freedom.
  14. Your life belongs to the State.
  15. Your possessions are on loan to you from the State.
  16. You liberty is not allowed within the confines of the State’s courtrooms.
  17. Always refer to the judges as “Your Honor” for they are to be honored for having to punish lawbreakers.  They are always objective and never have any hint of personal bias.  The higher courts, which interpret the laws, are to be given the utmost reverence as they have ascended beyond all human concepts of moral and immoral.  They are smarter than you and must therefore be given the final say on all things.
  18. You shall not ingest any substance that has been banned by the State.
  19. All religious organizations are required to uphold the State as the ideal.  It is the perfect idea of God brought to Earth after all.
  20. All money belongs to the State as it is the State that prints it.
  21. A large portion of your income must always be given to the State.  The more you make, the higher the percentage must be given.  It is your tithe for the benefit of the State.
  22. The State is never wrong nor is is fallible.  Every law, mandate, decree, and judgment passed or issued by the State is moral, just, and good.
  23. Your children, from the firstborn to the last, are subjects to the State.  From birth until they come of age, they are to be groomed for servitude via State schooling.  As a parent, you are the State-affirmed manager to raise your children in a manner that meets its approval.  If you do not comply with the State’s directives with regard to your children, your children will taken from you and placed in a foster home where they will be subject to State-approved drug abuse and sexual abuse.
  24. All State officials and their relatives are not subject to any of the rules.  If they are caught, they are to be given a slap on the wrist.
  25. All substances that the State does approve, such as alcohol and cigarettes, will be subject to heavy taxation in order to discourage their use.  If the poor are the ones who suffer most under this taxation, then the taxes will be raised so that they cannot enjoy them without welfare.
  26. From time to time, the State will require scientific inquiry into many important questions, such as the effects of toothpaste on dogs.  These inquiries are important and are in the State’s best interest.
  27. You will be permitted to worship in accordance with whatever religion you so choose, so long as that worship regards the State above all others.
  28. All laws passed by the State legislatures are not to be questioned.  As they are often elected by you and your neighbors, they represent your interests and never represent their own or those of external forces.
  29. You are allowed freedom so long as it serves the State’s interests.
  30. All people within the specter of the State are subject to its laws even if they leave the specter of the State for another.
  31. You must swear an oath of marriage before a proper State official before you do so in a religious ceremony.  Doing otherwise violates the State’s will and you will be subject to confiscations upon the death of your spouse.
  32. The State is to have the first fruits of all inheritance.  Since all wealth is earned at the approval of the State, this is merely the State receiving what it deserves.
  33. All land that is not owned by a private individual or group is owned by the State.
  34. The money collect by the State in the form of taxes is not the “people’s money” nor should the people be allowed to say where and how it is spent.
  35. All communications, whether it is by technological devices, letters, or by voice are subject to the State’s scrutiny.
  36. No private individual or group is permitted to own any frequency or wavelength.
  37. No person is to copy the work of other people who are bigger taxpayers than they are.
  38. Because the State prints money, the banks shall be owned by the State.  All business practices they employ are at the behest or approval of the State.
  39. You are to honor the State at every government institution and sporting event by standing in attention to the State’s flag while reciting the State’s pledge or listening to the State’s anthem.
  40. Any explanation for any behavior that is contrary to the laws of the State which are committed by State officials should be accepted as proper justification.  For example, if a Law Enforcement Official murders a man in cold blood, any official explanation of him being belligerent or dangerous should be accepted as justification for the murder and the official must be exonerated.
  41. All forms of religious expression have no place within the domain of the State as the State is your god and you shall have no other in its prescience.
  42. The State is not subject to any of its own laws, decrees, mandates, or judgments.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Swiftfoxmark2’s Guide to Online Political Debates

So, you want to engage in political debates on the Internet now that you have finally figured out that people have different opinions.  But you are not sure as to how to do it properly without looking like a fool.  Do not worry, as an experienced veteran of online debates in various formats, I am here to help:

  • Always keep in mind that your opinion is the valid one and that the opinions of others are irrelevant, even if they agree with you.  By and large, everyone on the Internet is dumber than you are because unlike those basement-dwelling twenty-something moochers who still live with their parents, you have a life outside of the Internet.  Unless, of course, you are basement-dwelling twenty-something moocher, in which case, your opinion on, say Christianity, is only valid on the YouTube comments section for a Christian-oriented video.  Otherwise, your opinion is the only one that counts on whatever format you are on.
  • Do not be afraid to resort to insults early on.  Insulting the offending poster is probably the best thing you can do to win the argument.  If you are dealing with a sane, reasonable poster, the typical response to whatever insult you can come up with will be a statement that you have lost the debate because you are no longer relying on facts.  Do not fret over such trivial matters since your opinion is the absolute truth and his opinion is a lie.  The poster obviously has no need of the logic or sanity that you bring to the table, so there is no need to make any fact-based research or logical claims to back up your assertions.  Besides, if your opinion is the God-honest truth, then there is no need to back it up because you are God after all.
  • If a poster pesters you for information to back up your claims, insult them and deflect attention away from whatever it is you are talking about.  For example, if you call a politician a racist and someone else demands that you prove your assertion, you simply that state that because some other person is a racist and he/she shook hands with said politician, that makes the politician a racist.  Follow up by calling that person a loony, cultist, or ignoramus.  Then point out that this person probably lives in his mother’s basement and does not have a job.
  • When insulting someone, sometimes it is necessary to use ALL CAPS.  Be careful with this technique as you can be banned by the moderators of whatever site you are on.
  • If you are banned from a forum or a blog for your comments, keep in mind that the blog or forum is probably also run by basement-dwelling twenty-something moochers who wet the bed.  Getting banned from their debate forum should be considered a badge of honor.
  • If you find a forum where the moderators share the same opinions as you do, be sure to kiss up to them.  This will allow you to insult other posters without having to worry about banning.  Pretend to care about their lives.  For example, if you are on a Christian forum, tell them that you are praying for them even if you don’t believe in God.
  • Lying is always acceptable and recommended, even if you are morally opposed to it.  The truth is, because most posters have short attention spans and they are generally idiots, they more than likely will not notice when you lie.  Be careful, though, to space your “inconsistencies” out enough because even idiots can see a lie if you say it within the last 5 posts or so.  And remember, if you are caught in a lie, you merely need to state that you were just a little inconsistent and then proceed to call that poster a troll.
  • If you find yourself dealing with someone who is smarter than you, then you are dealing with a devious liar.  The truth is, nobody is smarter than you as your opinions are sacred and theirs are an abomination.  However, you must be careful with them because the more intelligent they are, the more likely they can trounce you any debate.  Your best bet is to constantly antagonize and insult them, even on things that are largely irrelevant to the topic of debate.
  • If you have to post references to back up your claims, make sure they do not notice the source or it is a source that they won’t bother to check.  This is because the sources for your opinions will be either your own blog or someone else’s blog with whom you closely agree.  Do not use Wikipedia, as that is a corruptible source, but stick to reliable blogs.
  • If a poster really ticks you off, follow them around on the Internet and harass them.  Always exaggerate their claims to make them look like they are the kooks that you know that they are.  If, for example, you support the police and they post an article about police misconduct, then always point out that they hate the police.  That way, they will have to go on the defense.

Now that you are ready for online political debate, feel free to find a forum, blog, or social networking site to debate on.  Do not forget to always find things that you disagree with and attack them.  Don’t bother posting anything of substance or relevance because your ideas are the same ideas that have been embedded into the human mind and thus need no explanation.  You primary purpose is to ensure that the people who do not know this are told that they are hacks, kooks, and freaks by you and other like-minded posters.

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