Hitler is wished a Happy Thanksgiving

I really wish this was better, but at least it's got Thanksgiving in the title, so be thankful for that.

Sarah Silverman's Thanksgiving Special

In this animated holiday special Sarah Silverman recalls a pivotal thanksgiving in her childhood. Her father disagrees.

Sarah Silverman's Thanksgiving Special from Sarah Silverman

Origami Turkey Day

I've tried origami and I'm a miserable failure at it. Maybe you'll have better luck, perhaps inspired by the day to make an origami Thanksgiving turkey centerpiece for your table.








And a bit of a different kind of paper turkey:

What is Thanksgiving?

The comments at YouTube for the above video included some "politically correct" ones like the following:

It's "about thanking the countless indians that we raped and murdered, and also stole from. we destroyed this continent with our so called 'civilization' and sky scrapers and pollutants. and we just sit back, stuff our mouths and laugh with each other about it."

I suppose I should have a positive attitude to such attitudes, but I have a visceral reaction to what I perceive to be knee-jerk "anti-white" leftism. As if things were all hunky-dory before the Europeans arrived in North America. And I say this having moved quite far to the "left" myself (or at least coming to believe that my views naturally fall on the left side of the political spectrum) and while recognizing that Thanksgiving is a state created "holiday" designed to evoke government worship.

But on a more basic level, how often do people think of it that way? For most it's just a time to get together with family and friends and enjoy a great meal and it's sometimes the only time during the year that a whole family is together at the dinner table. So that's what I celebrate today, millions of Americans getting together and eating themselves into a stupor while watching parades and football games, with the women (no, I'm not being sexist, but at every Thanksgiving feast I've been to, both within and without my own family, it seems that the females carried the burden of preparing the food) wondering afterward why they spent hours preparing a meal that was then consumed in twenty minutes or less.

Turkey and Ham Day

There was a Thanksgiving gathering, with all generations around the table.

Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom.

When he returned, however, his trousers were wet all over.

"What happened, Grandpa?" he was asked by his concerned children.

"Well," he answered, "I don't really know... I had to go to the bathroom... So I took it out and started to pee, but then I saw that it wasn't mine, so I put it back."

The History of Thanksgiving


Well, the ham and turkey are both in the oven (yes, we've got both this year) and both are fully cooked, the turkey a fully cooked Butterball and the ham a spiral cut honey from a mail-order company. The ham label warns against over heating (not over cooking as it's already cooked) as that will dry it out and the natural juiciness will we gone. Auntie got involved, however, telling an old story of a fully cooked Farmer John ham that wasn't (she says). I have to say, I think we're dealing with apples and oranges here, even though both are hams. This one just needs to be heated, not cooked, but after an hour in the oven, Auntie cut it with a knife (it's already partly sliced) and declared "Look at all the juice in there, it's all wet, it needs to go a lot longer." I have to ask, am I the only sane person on Thanksgiving?



I have some Thanksgiving text messages, emails and calls to make. I spoke to my dad this morning and he has to work today. He took a job at Walmart for some extra money, so he won't be having Thanksgiving dinner this year.

Happy Thanksgiving

I asked my mom the other day if she had any true Thanksgiving stories from her childhood. No, she said. I couldn't believe this was true. She's told stories of black servants refilling lemonade glasses for her and her family in the summer heat of Tennessee, of encounters with water moccasins in the swamps of Florida where she and her sister would play for hours, and many other detailed tales. But no memories of Thanksgiving?

"I really don't remember anything, no memory of dad carving a turkey or anything like that at all".

As for myself, I seem to remember many Thanksgiving dinners at restaurants. We kids (my sister and I) liked it fine, if it was one of those fancy places where you could go and get turkey, ham and roast beef at the carving station, have unlimited drinks (soft drinks, I mean) and have an abundance of dessert choices presented to you at the end. As time passed and I got older, things changed. Some years I was with friends, or just a family member, like the year my dad and I cooked a turkey and had our feast with no one else at the table (well, actually, no table was involved, we ate in the living room while watching TV). There was even the unfortunate year when my Thanksgiving meal looked like this:



There must be many sorts of Thanksgivings out there. I hear the Salvation Army puts on a good dinner with all the trimmings. Then there are always those that choose ham instead of turkey for the big meal.



I do remember a few Thanksgiving dinners where it was announced "We're having ham this year" and being very disappointed, not that I don't enjoy ham, but turkey is it on Thanksgiving.

Then there was that strange year, the one where my little nephew was staying with my mom. She had a big bird in the oven, and it all seemed to be going fine, until it started to stink. I mean, it was awful. My nephew (you know how kids talk) said it smelled like dirty diapers. I have to admit, it did smell like crap. The whole house soon filled with the unbearable odor. Mom kept denying there was anything wrong, until it became too much even for her nose. The turkey went into the trash can outside and we had Thanksgiving Italian style in its place.

Who knows what other kinds of dinners are served on the holidays in this great land of ours.





Spam demand has factory working overtime.

The Thanksgiving That Almost Wasn't

My title for this post sounds like the name of an old TV movie, doesn't it? Well, sometimes life feels like a bad TV movie. Actually, I can't believe it's already Thanksgiving week. I HAD PLANS! I mean, for the blog. Big plans, epic Thanksgiving posts, if ya know what I mean. You may not get them now, at least not this year, but really, be grateful I didn't just take the week off. I could have, after all, I've got lots of DVDs to watch.



My mom was supposed to have Thanksgiving at her house this year. It was all planned and set. My mom was looking forward to seeing the grandchildren and having a happy time. "You'll have to come," Mom said to me over the phone. "I have lots of food I ordered from a catalog and we'll have Thanksgiving here. Your sister is coming too, with that Jeffery she knows."

A catalog? "Yeah, I had to, I don't have the money to go buying food at the store right now. With this I don't have to pay until next April and they deliver Thanksgiving week."

"I'll buy what you need."

"Well, you never said anything so I did what I had to do. It's expensive, over three hundred dollars, but its lots of food, more than we can eat probably."

"Mom, you never asked me or told me anything. Of course I would have bought the groceries for you."

"I'm sure if I'd mentioned it you wouldn't have listened and would have just ignored me."

I got a call the next morning:

"Hello."

"Well, your sister isn't going to be here for Thanksgiving."

What?

"Her car isn't in good shape and Jeffery's car has bald tires. They said they can't drive the long distance out here."

"He has a job, why doesn't he buy new tires?"

"I don't know. But we'll just have to go to her house instead. You'll have to come out here and pick me up, I guess."

That evening, Mom called again:

"Well, your sister won't be there for Thanksgiving."

What???

"Yeah, that Jeffery has a rich uncle way up the coast. He lives in a mansion and is putting on a huge feast and party. It's an opportunity they just can't pass up."

"I thought his car had bald tires. How are they going to make it up there?"

"Oh I don't know! Don't ask me those questions. Anyway we'll have to have our dinner on Friday. They'll be back then."

"Friday? That's not the holiday, and besides, I have to work Friday."

"Well, there's nothing I can do about that. We'll just have to make do somehow and have our Thanksgiving the next day."


The next morning it was Mom on the phone again:

"Your sister won't be back in time for Friday, looks like we'll just have Thanksgiving at my house, just you and me."

Uh, okay.

That evening:


"Well, Auntie called, she'll be all alone this year. Last year it was just her and her ex-husband and she didn't even cook a turkey, just threw a small chicken in the oven. I think we should have it at her house."


The next morning:

"Change of plans. We're having it at your cousin's house now. Since I ordered all this food though, I told them not to make anything or buy anything for the dinner. I'll be bringing everything".


I got to Mom's house late Monday night.

"Well, where's all the stuff from that catalog company," I asked.

"It's in the fridge."

I took a quick look.

"That's it?"

"Yeah, what a jip! I though it would be tons of food. From the pictures it all looked bigger! Look at the size of the cheeses and the nut loafs. I thought they would be full size from the prices they charge."

I grabbed one of the banana nut loafs. It fit nicely in the palm of my hand, with room to spare. The turkey and ham were big enough for Thanksgiving dinner, if you weren't too hungry and it was only for two.

"Well, there's going to be at least ten people there. It's not going to be enough food."



We went to the store and bought the extra food Mom would need to feed that many people.

"Let's get a pumpkin pie," Mom said.

"I thought you were getting a pecan pie from Cracker Barrel."

"I am, but they might like pumpkin too. It's more traditional." The pumpkin pie went in the cart.



Mom added more and more items until the cart was full.

"That should do it," she said.

It certainly should. I didn't want to look at the total at the checkout.





Last night she started cooking.

"I want to fix it all ahead of time. You know how that kitchen over there is. We'll take it over and heat it at your cousin's house. It'll be a feast, that's for sure. Besides, I want to make my sister look bad. She always runs me down, but wait until everyone sees the meal I've prepared."



Mom made me taste her mashed potatoes three times, to see if they had enough salt.



She's still going at it. I have to go now. Another trip to the market for some more ingredients. This may or may not be the best Thanksgiving ever, but it sure will be the most expensive.

The Holiday Season

It is always around this time of the year that I feel the holiday season begins. Some would say the holiday season begins with Thanksgiving and ends with New Years, but for me the coming of the Halloween decorations and aisles of trick or treat candy in the stores is the real start of this festive time. Everything just feels different. The days are shorter, with darkness falling earlier each day, and everywhere I go I'm in the mood for end of the year fun. Things seem more pleasant and less stressful to me, like the whole world is taking a break from the rest of the year. Football season adds to it all too, of course. Now, some are stressed out this time of year, but to me it has an air of unreality, an illusion that is shattered at by the beginning of January when it's all "back to business".

So, I will enjoy it while it lasts, and I hope to post some things in the days ahead appropriate to each holiday. There will be a little fiction, some ghost stories (for All Hallows Eve) and the return of our atheist and the bear saga. Plus true stories of Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays past.

So make some hot tea or cocoa and gather round the computer screen. I'll see you there!