Saturday, January 31, 2009

Airy Gator In The Sewer

Taking a shower is supposed to be a somewhat pleasant experience, even when that shower is taken in the wee hours of the morning on a weekday where you know you'll soon be on your way to work. I could stay in the shower for a long time (or at least until the hot water runs out) but when I'll be late to work if I don't hurry it up, I make it as quick as possible (that's quick for me, not necessarily quick for you). As I was lathering up my beautiful brown hair (don't hate me because I've got great hair, after all, not all of you can have thick, luscious hair all over your body like I do) I noticed something seemingly strange (and I'm not talking about my hair!). Water was spraying against the glass of the shower door. Not unusual, you'll say. Normally I'd agree, but this water was coming from OUTSIDE the shower. What the hell?, I thought, did a pipe burst or something?

I peeked out and it was coming from the toilet bowl! It was spraying up and going everywhere. I jumped from the shower and closed the lid of the toilet seat. The water was still coming out and running onto the carpet of the bathroom. I turned the water at the toilet off, thinking that would stop it (of course it didn't, considering the source, but I was in a slight panic) ; a few minutes later it began to slow and finally stopped. I noticed fecal matter dotting the wall, and my new dress shirt, the one hanging on the hook on the bathroom door, and that I was planning on wearing to work, soaked and dripping water. Leaving the mess for another member of the household to deal with (I was running late) I finished getting ready for another day in the salt mines.

When I stepped outside the front door I saw some water and sewer trucks. I asked one of the workers what was up. He said they were cleaning out the sewers and when I told him what happened he said it was probably the air pressure from the cleaning. The city did send, after a phone call, a crew to clean up the bathroom (and as it turned out, the kitchen also, as the water had backed up and sprayed through the drain in the kitchen sink as well). It was an unpleasant start to what otherwise would have been quite a good day.


"This is Matt Anchor."

"And this Tonya Newsreader."


"Good afternoon/evening. Today, just minutes after getting soaked with disgusting toilet water, a local man went bizerk and proclaimed himself Sewerman. Dressing in a Superman costume, including cape, and wearing a toilet seat around his neck, he ran through the neighborhood and according to eyewitlesses interviewed by Channel 5, shouted repeatedly that he was stinkier than an open septic tank and able to leap over dirty water in a single bound. Police later arrested the man as he was in the act of assaulting two sewer workers, a toilet brush in his hands."

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