Thursday, June 19, 2008

Oranges, God's Secret Agents

Oranges, The Ultimate Theodicy

Thank God for the orange. How often have you taken it for granted? Many times, no doubt, you miserable, ungrateful wretch. And yet the orange is speaking to you every day of your sinful life! It is truly the fruit that speaks to us all of God's seemingly mysterious ways. While it's true that oranges are not the only fruit that proves that Almighty God is secretly at work behind the scenes (which the filthy atheists deny, of course) it is the most subtle, which makes it the fruit that will condemn you to everlasting fire because of your unbelief (God loves subtlety, and he doesn't care if you "just don't get it", you are without excuse). You see, the Great Pumpkin is not the only one using oranges to do his bidding. Oranges love hot, humid weather, but people for some reason pretty much hate it, and yet fallen man loves oranges! Hypocrites and liars deceived by satan! God is showing you that there is a reason for everything, even unbearable weather conditions (sure, being omnipotent He could have made oranges grow just fine in beautiful, human-friendly conditions, but He didn't, so shut up already you know-it-all atheists). So be thankful for everything, even the bad stuff, because God knows what He (that is, Father, Son, and very Holy Spirit) is doing, even if you don't! Fall down on your knees and worship Him or go to Hell!

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